Anytime I have been on a plane they explain the oxygen mask. If you should need to use the oxygen mask will drop. Ensure that you put yours on first before assisting others.
We sometimes in life spend so much time trying to repair others when it is I who needs sustainable oxygen. It is I who needs assistance. For so long I have been the counselor, the doctor, the nurse, the lawyer, the peacemaker, the cheerleader, the social worker, the mother, the warrior. As I fly in the air tonight and landing soon, I am reminded that on here there is a pilot and co-pilot they don’t need my assistance.
Flying in the realm of life, God is my pilot. My refuge. My sustainer of life. He doesn’t need my assistance. We are descending now. That tells me we are closer to our destination. Sometimes in order for us to illuminate our light we must descend into the atmosphere in which we were created to occupy.
Supply my sustainable oxygen. When the turbulence of life tosses me to and fro, Abba take me above the high plane to marginalize the pressure that seeks to destroy my inability to hear Your voice. My desire is to see You. Sustainer of life, thank you for the oxygen mask in you.
By far life’s journey has not been the easiest. I’ve lost some things along the way but gained perspective. With each new day, mercies are new. As I sit on the balcony on my final day here in Florida. I listen to the Atlantic ocean. It speaks to me: “Remember I created the living waters. Majestic and surrounded by beauty. There is also dangerous territory in the water if you can or cannot swim. Be ye ready for what may come. There is more to life than what your eyes can see. Far beyond the oceans floor and wider than the space of continuity in the water”
I thank you for this journey. I am expecting my miracle through divine impartation. I am believing healing is my portion on today. I am grateful for your love. Everyone can’t understand my journey and I am ok with that. What matter’s most is His love covers me. #Imcomingout #winningseason #favor #faithoverfear
Somewhere in between my conscious state of mind and the chirps of the smoke detector, I think of my present state.
So often we tend to give of ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually to things, spaces and times that aren’t willing or unable to give back to us. Leaving a void of displacement within oneself.
Today, I am giving myself permission to speak my truth and no longer live in the space between
Today I choose me. I will not live in the Space in Between
These last few weeks I have come to the realization of self-preservation. Many times on this journey we are called out to the water of life. We will sometimes go at the pace of the current. Unfortunately, the waves sometimes become choppy. Tossing us to and fro. We all are now outside the boat. Some are pros at swimming, some can doggy paddle. Then there are some flailing their arms. The question is can I save you without drowning myself as well?
Do I risk my integrity of what is beneath me to push you? Do I risk the current pulling me down while trying to keep your head above water?
There comes a space and time where I have to save myself
on the water. It hurts, its painful, it is downright awful, but self- preservation is a must. My wish for you is to learn to swim the journey of life before you drown.
I deserve to have this. I deserve to have that. I deserve. I hear it all the time from kids. They don’t say the exact words but their intent is I deserve. As I have tredged the proverbial mountain in life I am often reminded the world owes me nothing. However, I am grateful what life has taught me. The kids of this generation feel that they are owed every new shoe, name brand clothing, the best of every thing. Not realizing too much is given much is required. I have often wondered why this genetation is entitled. Well it starts with us. We have given them our backs to climb on and now they believe they are owed every possession. As I martriculate through this journey of life; may the boundaries be reinforced. The knowledge I currently possess be the emphasis in my power to say NO. NO I will no longer be your proverbial automated teller machine of provoked emotionalism in a unconcious state of mind. NO I will no longer be subjected to the maniacal standardization of what one thinks life should be. Today, I have graduated in the power of NO. I accept my award.
For many days/weeks/months/years I have asked the questions of why me and some why not me. I sought out understanding on how I could be at the top of my career and education one minute and the food stamp line the next. How could I have voluptuous breasts for 36 years and raised brutal scars the next. How could I have 4 babies and yet never carry them to life because the incomptence of a cervix. How? In those ways it was meant to break me. It was meant to steal and rob from me joy. It was meant to steal my identity. It was meant to draw me to sorrow. Instead it has drawn me to love. It has drawn me to raise generations of motherless and fatherless children. My scars are only a map of my destiny in who I was created to be. Im grateful in this moment because IT WAS MEANT
There is a song that says, “Where would I be if not for your grace, carrying me through every season. Where would I be of not for your grace. You came to my rescue and I want to thank you for your grace”.
This last week I have found myself angry and hurt. Frustrated and sad. A whole host of emotions, as my community deals with the second mass shooting in the last seven months. I am angry that the shooter killed four innocent people. I am angry that someome knew his past mental instability and didn’t respond. I am angry just because Deebony doesn’t get to walk across the graduation stage in three weeks. I am angry that Taurean will never work another day. I am angry that Joe’s mom had to take a long plane ride to identify her hardworking son body. I am angry that Akilah will never give us the hip hop sound that we so need and want. I am angry. I am angry God because I am angry.
We are a community that is gracefully broken. Gracefully broken. In this moment all I know to do is trust your plan. I don’t like it. Can i say that it feels like the plan stinks? It stinks. Travis took a piece of all of us that day. It stinks. Grace though. God why do you keep reminding me of grace? God’s Grace is not a sentiment but a power. Grace, as with everything in God, is given with purpose and intention.
The only remedy to the pain we are dealing with is the grace of God. To receive the grace of God, all we have to do is humble ourselves and tell God what we need Him to do and receive His grace. Honestly,God may not take away the hurtful situation. But He can and will walk with us through it. The bible says in 2nd Corinthians 12:9 My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak”. While we are looking at the reason behind life let us focus on purpose. God’s grace to us in our pain is that our pain is not without purpose. God can work through it to make us more like Jesus. Today, I look to you God for our purpose in pain.
God while on spiritual life support breathe for us.